How To Define Your Life’s Purpose


There was a time in my life when I thought my life lacked purpose and meaning. What I did not learn until later in life is that we manifest the meaning of our lives. No one else can do that for us. Sometimes we rely on others perception of who we are to help define us. We accept the idea that how others define us is how we truly are. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You define who you are. You define your purpose and your meaning. Living life with purpose and meaning sometimes takes change and courage. Any change in our life is an act of courage. Change is scary! That is why there is such apprehension with change. But also, we tell ourselves we are used to the way things are. So we become reluctant to change because making a change comes with uncertainty. We have no idea what life is like on the other of change. So rather than explore a change, we settle for status quo. Change is often necessary to grow as a person. Change can provide new opportunities.

Courage is about living the life you deserve. Live your life according to your purpose and how you define both. Courage is about facing the perception others have and choosing to own it or not to own it. It takes great courage to stand up for oneself. It also takes great courage to learn to say, “no” to people or tell them you do not agree with their perception. Perception is not right or wrong. Perception is a view and varies from person to person.

How do you summons courage to live your life’s purpose? Living life’s purpose starts with the desire and drive to just live, truly live! Once that desire begins to burn and that drive causes you to move into action, you need a plan. Without a plan, you will have chaos and life will lack order and peace. For example, have you ever gone to the grocery store without a list, what happened? You ended up with things you don’t need. And that time could have been used for something better than walking around the store. If you have a plan or a grocery list, you have a clear sense of what is needed and what direction you need to go or which aisles you need to shop in. So you make a plan.

Making a plan begins by defining your priorities and/or basic needs If you take care of those things first and always, then your plan will be even more focused. I know some of you are thinking this is a selfish approach, to take care of yourself first. Taking care of self is not selfish. If you do not take care of yourself, you cannot care for anyone else. And you most certainly cannot adequately focus on your true purpose. An intrinsic part of self-care is breathing. Sounds funny, huh? Breathing? I do that naturally and without thought. Yes and no. Yes we breathe. But no, we rarely take time to become centered, calm and focused, as in mindful breathing. Mindful breathing can help us tune into our true purpose. It helps us tune the outside world out and tune into our inner-self. Breathing helps us find peace.

Another important part of the plan is being organized. Organize your thoughts, your vision and how to make hopes and dreams become reality. No different than when you make a grocery list. Some make a simple list of things they need. But, if you are quite anal, like me, you make a list according by aisle – starting at the back of the store and moving forward to the registers. This helps me make my trip to the store more efficient. Organization helps eliminate chaos. So if you define what you want to accomplish and how to accomplish it, you will have a road map on how to achieve your goal.

Often in life we are thrown from the path or we come up against an obstacle in our path. One of the biggest obstacles we face is over scheduling or over indulging. To overcome this, we simply need to learn to say no. That no may be to friends who want you to do something that goes against your core belief. Again, it takes courage to say no. Sometimes that no is to you. Maybe temptation wants to steer you down familiar territory because you revert back to fearing the change that is unfolding. Accept the change and allow yourself to move beyond the fear. Learn that saying no is OK and sometimes necessary to living true to yourself and your purpose.

Now here is a little secret. You may do all this self-meditation, self-care and organizing and find that you are moving down your path a lot slower than you hoped. This could be that you have yet to accept that your purpose may not be defined yet. That too is OK. Be open to change. Accept the courage and live in the moment. Your life’s purpose will just be. All you can do is live this life the best way you can, make good choices and experience all life has to offer. Your legacy will speak for itself.

Always live the life you deserve!

Failure is a Blessing!

Failure is a blessing! Failure is full of as many opportunities as success. In fact, you cannot have one without the other. Some people are born with innate gifts to do certain things. But success in anything does not happen without failure. It does not happen without making mistakes and it does not happen without trying.

If you fail, never give up because FAIL means: First Attempt In Learning

And no is not always a negative. It may be opening you up to something you did not even know was a possibility.
If you get NO as an answer, remember NO means: Next Opportunity

If you are of the Christian faith and you believe we are all sinners. The word sin, in archery means: to miss the mark. So a sin helps you see that you that you are not perfect. And like in archery, sometimes you have an opportunity to shoot again. We are not always going to hit the bullseye in life. Rarely are we ever ‘dead on’ with anything. And that is OK. However, in archery, if you continue to sin, you lose. Isn’t that how it is in life? If you continue to make poor choices and make the same mistake repeatedly, you are not learning a thing! You continue to lose and are cheating yourself.

My point? Failure is a blessing! A blessing you say? Absolutely.

If you look at failure as a blessing, it takes the stress out of failure. There is no expectation to be perfect. You can allow yourself to be fallible. Chances are, once you lift that expectation from your subconscious, you will get it right more often than you will get it wrong. Failure means you get another opportunity to either try what you failed at, again. Or perhaps you are building a path to something better that you did not realize was on the path of your journey. All you can do is put your best effort forth each time you TRY! (TRY – Take Responsibility Yourself) Take ownership of your life. Take ownership of your tasks, your journey…whatever you do. In doing so, you are succeeding! You are living a true life. And who could ask for more than that?

Moon Meditation

Moon Meditation

Stop for a moment to stand in the warmth of the healing magnificence of the full moon shining down at you…

The moon seems to be bigger and closer to the earth than you have ever seen it before and its energies are exhilarating…

You can fell the moon is providing healing through the sliver moon light and your system is being balanced through the energies of the moon…

In that balancing energy we can align and elevate our chakra energies.

Blocked energy in our seven chakras can often lead to illness, so it’s important to understand what each chakra represents and what we can do to keep this energy flowing freely.

1. Root Chakra — Represents our foundation and feeling of being grounded.
Location: Base of spine in tailbone area.
Emotional issues: Survival issues such as financial independence, money and food.

2. Sacral Chakra — Our connection and ability to accept others and new experiences.
Location: Lower abdomen, about two inches below the navel and two inches in.
Emotional issues: Sense of abundance, well-being, pleasure and sexuality.

3. Solar Plexus Chakra — Our ability to be confident and in control of our lives.
Location: Upper abdomen in the stomach area.
Emotional issues: Self-worth, self-confidence and self-esteem.

4. Heart Chakra — Our ability to love.
Location: Center of chest just above the heart.
Emotional issues: Love, joy and inner peace.

5. Throat Chakra — Our ability to communicate.
Location: Throat.
Emotional issues: Communication, self-expression of feelings and the truth.

6. Third Eye Chakra — Our ability to focus on and see the big picture.
Location: Forehead between the eyes (also called the Brow Chakra).
Emotional issues: Intuition, imagination, wisdom and the ability to think and make decisions.

7. Crown Chakra — The highest chakra represents our ability to be fully connected spiritually.
Location: The very top of the head.
Emotional issues: Inner and outer beauty, our connection to spirituality and pure bliss.

Some see the moon as just an object in the sky. But metaphysically, the moon is so much more than that. It offers healing energy.

The full moon is a time for cleansing, releasing negativity and letting go of the physical, emotional, and spiritual baggage which no longer serve your highest self and also setting up best intentions. This opens you up for the new moon’s energy, which fills your soul with new ideas, new beginnings, and a new way of viewing things.

This full moon meditation and visualization exercise can help activate our chakras and help bring forth our best self:

Find an area to stand or sit barefoot upon the earth.

Close your eyes or keep them softly focused and feel the moon beams bathing you in cleansing and purifying energy. If you are in the sunlight then go into your bed room make a clean and comfortable spot imagining the moon beams and soothing properties of the moon light. You can also charge a bath with Epsom salts and calming herbs like sage and lavender.

Breathe deeply. Feeling your lungs and diaphragm expand to it’s maximum capacity. Pause for a few seconds and slowly exhale imagining the diaphragm as “up flying” or pulling the diaphragm (your belly button) towards the spine. Imagine your inhale and exhale creating a figure eight or infinity symbol.

Imagine all areas of the body releasing tension starting from the feet going all the way up to the muscle of the face. Let go of all muscle tension. Surrender.
Inhale, imagine roots from the legs or the base of the spine diving down into the earth. Guide this energy up towards the very top of the head or the crown.

Imagine a white lotus flower on the very top of your head and through this blossoming lotus flower white glowing pure light is pouring into your body. Covering like a blanket of snow all of the body seeping into each pore. Cleansing your inner being.

Feel comfortable bliss. Now dive down in the earth as exhale. Letting go of anything that no longer serves you. Anxiousness-Anger-Sadness.

Imagining the white light again drawing it from the earths core through you, up each energy center through your body and penetrating into the universes and endless stars.

Imagine bliss, peace and love showering again back down on the earth. That energy returning to you as cool, soft, angel white light wings surrounding you.

Placing your hands in prayer, lifting your hands to third eye center and bowing.
We end by letting our hands come back down to heart center.

Now that we are open to receive, we can look at the sky on a clear night, begin to visualize the moon getting closer to you until you can hold it in your hands.

Knowing that the moon is beautiful and healing being… begin to visualize the moon transforming…from the sky, into your hands and through your body.

Further relax your body and clear your mind. Feel the energy coming from the moon and notice a tingling sensation within.

Visualize the energy from each of your seven chakras becoming brighter in color and intensify from the energy of the moon. They light up like a rainbow from your feet right out the top of your head.

Next, beginning with your Root Chakra, visualize a red energy leaving the moon and reconnecting to your spine. You are now experiencing a greater sense of feeling balanced and grounded.

Turn your focus to your Sacral Chakra and visualize a orange energy flowing from the moon and circling around your navel. You are feeling limitless creativity and confidence.

Now, at your Solar Plexus Chakra, begin to visualize the yellow energy flowing from the moon to your stomach, filling you up with empowerment and strength.

As the colors continue to move and transform in the moon, concentrate on your Heart Chakra. Visualize a loving green energy flowing from the moon to your heart. As it penetrates your heart, you begin to feel love, happiness, joy and peace.

Now moving up to your Throat Chakra, begin to visualize a blue energy leaving the moon and directly connecting to your throat. You begin to feel expressive, free, and all of your words flow with ease.

With your attention at your Third Eye chakra, visualize an indigo energy exiting the moon and entering the area of your third eye. You begin to unfold new ideas, new thoughts, and become awakened and in tune to your psychic abilities.

You have now reached your Crown Chakra. Begin to visualize a purple energy flowing from the moon to the crown of your head. As you connect to your higher self or higher power, you are feeling inspired and a newness of endless possibilities.

With the newfound feelings of abundance of excitement, you can now release the moon back to the universe. With your energies intact, the moon energies you absorb stay with you and the moon goes back to the universe, taking any and all negativity, discomfort and stress with it and cleansing it to return as pure healing light for the world.

Take a deep breath in and slowly exhale. Visualize each chakra and thank the moon for the cleansing and releasing and for filling your soul with new beginnings and fresh perspectives.

You take one final glance at the beauty of the moon, thanking it again for the healing you’ve received.


Love Yourself First

Love Yourself First

Relationships are hard.  People think that after a couple has been together for a while that less work has to go into a relationship.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  What usually happens is people get too busy trying to life maneuver life’s obstacle course.  They have a difficult time dealing with life, being an individual, maybe add being a parent into the mix — and forget to put effort into their marriage, partnership, etc.  But I believe the same can be said for all relationships.  A parent and child can easily become removed from one another.  Maybe it is because many children now days are so involved in extra-curricular activities, friends, social media, etc. — and become engaged socially.  So that parent/child relationship begins to change.  The child becomes more independent and needs the parent less and less.  Eventually moves out and has a family of their own.  Does this mean the love is lost?  No.  It simply means things have evolved to transcended from where they once were.  Whether you are a parent or the child, it is still important to take a moment each week to nurture that relationship and bond.  A phone call, a text or a cup of coffee.  Sometimes, that is all it takes to say, “Hi.” and catch up.

Marriage is no different.  I have been married to my husband for almost 10 years.  We have been together for almost 12 years.  We cannot manage to find 30 minutes some weeks, to just have a meal together, because of our work and school schedules.  But we try to send daily texts to say, “I love you.”  And albeit, they are nice to receive, I find myself jealous because his guests at his job and fellow students have more of a relationship with him than me.  Or so it would seem some weeks.

Jealousy is an ugly beast.  It is hard not to feel it sometimes.  We are human.  We are not perfect.  But rather than focus on the bitterness, the jealousy, the longing — focus on the real issue.  Loving yourself.  This too is important in all relationships.  We, as parents, cannot take care of anyone else if we have not first taken care of ourselves.  Nurturing the bonds with the children is important.  But you cannot love anyone else fully, if you do not love yourself.  While I would long for a shared bottle of wine, a funny movie and night of laughter with my husband, I understand, in part, that our schedules have caused a wave in the ocean.  Even small puddles ripple when it rains.  We just try to grab moments to re-connect so we can to ensure those ripples and waves do not become tsunamis.  They become tsunamis when you:  1.  Neglect to love yourself.  2.  Neglect to re-connect, even in a small way, daily.  3. Take the relationship for granted.   Ripples and waves are manageable.  Tsunamis are nearly impossible.  Love yourself and those you share relationships with enough to take time to appreciate them.  It is never too late though.  You may not be able to repair the damage from the tsunami, but you can always say, “I am sorry.” Even if saying sorry to that person is no longer possible (due to death, perhaps), you can write that person a letter and exorcise those negative emotions so they no longer control you.  You can always apologize to yourself too.  Within that, remember it is equally important to forgive yourself.   And those three words can help healing begin.

You must love yourself first.  It is essential and a critical key to embracing this life and those you love to the fullest.  Loving yourself can help you heal.  Loving yourself can help you engage in life.  Loving yourself can enhance relationships with every single person you come in contact with.  If you see someone in the grocery store and they just look beyond mad, smile.  Sometimes, all it takes is one smile to make someone’s entire day.  Think about that!  If you were that person having that mad moment and someone just glanced and grinned at you.  Just gave you the slightest, kind gesture of human love…it may make all the difference.  You could be the closest thing to God that someone experiences today.  Remember that.

Love yourself first.  It’s hard.  Relationships are hard.  Especially the relationship we have with ourselves.  We are the worst to ourselves and those we are closest to.  Why?  Because we cannot leave ourselves [physically ;)] — and in taking relationships for granted, we assume those closest to us are not going anywhere either.  Choose not to live life that way.  Choose kindness.  Choose forgiveness.  Choose love.

I found this website not too long ago. – Loving Yourself –  It talks about how we love ourselves and the relationship we have with ourselves and with God. Perhaps you may find words of healing and peace within the pages, just as I did.

God wants us to love ourselves as we love Him.  If you do not have a relationship with God, you can still love yourself.  But you cannot give away something you don’t have in you.  So love yourself first.



Love yourself and start living the life you deserve.

Start with learning how to talk to yourself better.

Here are some wise words from my mentor, the late, Rev. Retha Martin, C.Ht.

Letter to Three of My Abusers

Preface: I tell each person I ever taught Emotional Detox Education, to cleanse themselves in the truth. I tell them to wash their hands at the end of class to symbolize purging what comes from the haunts within the truth. This is so they can move forward and not go back and muddy their hands again in the lie that made up a false-truth about that life event. My students…I am a hypocrite. I have not cleansed all that could have been cleansed. I hope you understand why I had to hold those truths back until now. We all have skeletons. Maybe for some this skeleton did not need to come out of the closet. But I could not continue to treat it like an old coat you only wear a few times a year. I choose to not only free this skeleton from the closet, but I am purging this closet–taking the items to the thrift store and moving out of that house.

I am not sure how this letter will be met. I began to write it so I could heal and move forward. This letter is not about the good memories. Please know I do find joy in moments of my childhood. Many of those moments make me laugh, cry and shake my head. I cherish those memories. But my life was not built on those memories. There are far more episodes of abuse, than laughter. I am doing this for myself. Not because I am trying to condemn anyone. The truth needs to be said. I need to heal so that when I leave this place, I can be remembered for being a good mom –and not a better grandmother than I was a mother. I hope my kids realize the courage this took to publish. My hope now is someone else who maybe was abused in their life can move forward. Or perhaps someone who may currently be being abused can find courage to do something about it and move on. And to my kids, my love- Christopher and friends—for those times I screamed at you and acted out in anger, I am sorry and apologize.

A Letter to Three of My Abusers:

Dear Dad, Mom and Jimmy:

Where do I begin? Dad, I guess. I am proud you found the courage to quit drinking when you did. I am happy that your fits of rage did not kill anyone, including myself. I used to be angry that I loved you even though you beat me terribly. I used to be angry that you did not want anything to do with me unless it suited you or you were trying to show a friend, family member or co-worker what a good father you were. I still do not understand, to this day; when you would punch me, beat me, why it came so easily. Perhaps someday, I will get that answer. I used to be angry that you ‘left me in charge of Stupid’ when you found out you were dying. That was irresponsible of you. Stupid (as you called him), or Jimmy—as he was named at birth, was not and is not my responsibility. I am not sure if you even knew about the sexual abuse I endured from Jimmy. I would like to think you didn’t. I know Mom did and the fact she did nothing, still hurts. Lastly to you I want to say, thank you. Thank you for teaching me about hard work. I still cannot eat an ear of corn without knowing its value. Thanks.

Mom, I find it hard to write about you or to you. Probably because you died most recently. I am still dealing with emotions from that day. Emotions that come because of the decisions you charged me with making. I pray I never have to do that again. I am angry because of those things you left me to do after you were gone. I am angry because of the things you made me do when I was a kid. No kid should have to take naked Polaroids of their mother to send to her prison pen-pal boyfriend. And no mother should allow her prison pen-pal boyfriend to write explicit letters to their 10 year old child. That moment is why I broke down and cried after each time I had to bathe you after your lung cancer surgery, when you lived with me in 2013. It was too much…just too much.

But I also want to thank you. I want to thank you for stopping the beatings during those times you chose to. I may not be alive today if you had not. I want to thank you for helping me see that I want to be my best and authentic-self always. To be anything but, produces negative energy to continue the charade and the lie. I cannot live that way anymore. I can no longer buy into the reality you created and wanted me to believe.

At your funeral people talked about the person you were. This was not the person I knew. I only got to see that person when we were around people you wanted to see that side of you. You only let certain people see the person you wanted them to see. I saw that person sometimes. But the person I got to see most was vicious, mean, belittling and abusive. You made me keep secrets about not just the Polaroids but about the sexual abuse I received from Jimmy since I was young. I forgive you for that because I want to believe you did that out of embarrassment and not because you didn’t care. I think you did care but did not know how to show it. For that I am sad because I think you and Dad both had redeeming qualities to be  good people. I believe I possess those qualities. Also want to thank you for showing me how to speak my mind. Although I am still working on not being as crass as you, I am still a work in progress.

Jimmy—my biological sibling. I cannot give you the title of brother. I have brothers. Mark, Mike, Bob, Curt, Donny, etc.

There is so much to say but I truly do not want to waste energy on you or your profane thoughts of life with me in it. I will make it easy for you, in case you have not figured it out yet. I am done. My responsibility of you has ended. I surrender that to someone else. With that being said, I cannot say I ‘used to be angry’ – because I am still angry at you. I am working through that and to do so; I must tell you how I feel.

Since Mom’s death there have been so many people telling me the same thing…how I am a bad person…how I think I am better than everyone else… how I got everything handed to me. You would like people to believe that because it is more fitting for you, than dealing with the truth and owning what you have done. You would want me to be weak and buy into your ideology of who you think I am and who you tell everyone I am. It is always someone else’s fault. Someone else is to blame. Tell me, exactly what does a blind man in a wheelchair have to say to you to get you to beat them? How were they at fault? Or they guy you beat that resulted in you going to prison…or Audrey– or me? After all you put me through.. the abuse, the torture, the molestation… I gave you the benefit of the doubt that you too, being raised by the same parents, just needed guidance and friendship. I find it amazing that you continue to tell people how self-centered I am and how I was handed everything and you got nothing. – And that some people are buying that crap! If you are referring to when Dad died– I was written out of his Will. If you are referring to when Mom died, the Estate went bankrupt. No one got anything except the mortgage company.

I am not sure where in my adult life I got anything that I did not earn. Our parents wanted no part of being involved in our successes. I worked hard to be self-sufficient. I am blessed by friends along the way that had to endure comments and accusations of inappropriateness by my parents and you. I am glad they stuck by me anyway and came to know the real me. I have only asked my parents for two things ever (three if you count asking my mom to go to my college graduation) 1. To walk me across the field for Senior Band Parent Night. (They did not. My mom sat in the stands and my best friends parents volunteered to do the honors), and 2. I asked my parents for was a roof over my head after my separation from my first husband. That was for my kids though, not for me. If I didn’t have the girls, I would have just lived in my car again. I know you know how that feels because they would not walk with you either when you were in football. The coaches did. And our parents also took you in—time and time again (without and with your daughter). These may be the only instances where we were treated equally in our lives.

At first I was insulted by all these people telling me the deplorable things being said about me. I was also insulted because people I had known most of my life were or are choosing to believe these things about me. Then I had a conversation with someone last night that really helped me think about things differently. Now, I thought I might feel sorry for those who choose to believe it, but honestly, I am growing indifferent. I just wanted my voice to be heard. I got to where I am today because of passion, drive and my own doing. Not because my parents gave me anything. Not because I asked for anything other than moral support (which I can assure you, I did not receive). My biggest goal was to have at least one of my parents see me graduate from college—in spite of them and in honor of me; even if only for a few short hours, maybe it could be about me for a moment. I earned that moment! I deserved that moment. And to those people who still talk about me like I am the biggest thing to ride in on a broom, this side of the Mississippi– if having independence, drive, passion and self-sufficiency make me a bad person—then I am HORRENDOUS!!! And yes, I care and I am here to set the record straight… because of the people that do matter, they support me morally and emotionally. The people that do matter hold me up when I am down –and me, them. And all your hatred and naysaying only pushes me harder to be my best self. I am me!

I included you in everything, regardless of the lies and abuse. Holidays, family events and such–I had my husband include you in things, like our wedding, bachelor party, baseball games and amusement park trips. Still, I am deemed a horrible person. Meanwhile it was me that is extending the hand of graciousness and gratitude to someone that defiled me. I no longer feel for you. I do not love you. I do not hate you. I am indifferent to you and your outcome in life. You strive on drama, fear and anger. Only you can change that. I choose to no longer buy into your narcissistic, socio-pathological ‘reality’–.the one you and Mom created so the world would not know the evil that took place in our childhood home. Another point that amazes me is how at every turn, when I was giving benefits of doubt and second chances, you continued to belittle me at every turn. And for what? You have talents. God gave you talents and intelligence, just like me. You choose to live in the ‘Land of Whoa’ rather than do anything about showcasing those talents. And then karma kicked in… Jimmy, all along, you were trying to project my kindness as weakness. You thought my being kind was me letting my guard down. On the contrary. I was being my true, authentic self. I am kind. I was, however, still living the lie or the truth as it had been fed to me for so many years. Because I wanted to believe you were a victim. Trouble is you fail to escape the victim mentality. This is what allows you to get people to be sucked into caring about this fallacy you call a life. It is not a life. You are not truly living and I cannot help you do that.

Sometimes people are forced to be observers in their own life. They are forced to take on beliefs and ideologies based on the beliefs and ideologies of their parents/ care givers. I have done this my whole life. I was told I had to believe a certain way and when I went out in the world and sought real answers, I was condemned for ‘getting to big in my britches’ because I wanted a better life than what I had. I was made to feel I turned my back on my family because I wanted to go to college—and why should I? No one else had and they got on just fine! This kind of thinking only made me want it more and made me more determined to succeed. And for that I am thankful. However, the one I am thankful to is God. I am thankful to God that attempts to stop the pain did not work and thankful to myself for perseverance. The pain allowed me to feel and allowed me to grow and know I was alive. For years, this way of thinking also led me to keep many secrets in my life. Many secrets no young child should have to keep just to save-face or keep the family from embarrassment. Maybe you too have secrets I know nothing about.

They say the truth has three sides: Your side, my side and the real truth. Well this is my side, which is the truth. They also say the truth shall set you free. I refuse to remain quiet anymore. I cared for years that the truth might hurt others but for all these years, it was me that hurt and no one really cared. And for years I stayed quiet, for what I believed to be the betterment of all involved. But people failed to realize the real victim in it all was not better in any way, for being quiet. I tried to be, this person they call ‘the better person.’ But in reality all I was doing was continuing to elude the truth and buy into others’ version of reality. A wise woman once said, “Sometimes, though I choose to let others drown for they must stop their ways and make better choices in their own lives. If they don’t choose to do so, I can at least say, Well, I cared enough to give them the opportunity!” I cared. I gave second chances. I was manipulated into your truth to protect you, Mom and Dad. But who was protecting me?

Lastly, I cannot thank you but I do forgive you. I pray you recover and realize the second chance God gave you to be a good person. It is never too late to choose to do so. You are capable. Look at people like Alan, Alice, and June. You are capable. Forgive yourself and others and move beyond the lie. But know when and if you do, my door will still no longer be open to you and I will still no longer be your sister. I am freeing you from that responsibility and having to own that lie too. You are but a memory. Best of luck.

“I once was lost, but now am found, was blind but now I see.”

**If you or someone you know is being abused. Please call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at: 1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) Or live chat with a hotline representative that can help you.


Seasonal Affective Disorder


Seasonal Affective Disorder or S.A.D. is a real and potentially debilitating illness that many people fight year after year.  This ailment is easily combated if you recognize the signs early enough and know what to do about them.

Below are some ways to help get you through the WINTER FUNK.  This is also straight from my lessons.  I hope you all get out of it what I put into it.

S.A.D. = Seasonal Affective Disorder

S.A.D. is a real and true affliction.  If not dealt with properly, it can lead to serious health issues.  If you are in a deep funk you cannot pull yourself from, please seek help from your family doctor or another trained professional.

In the winter, when the days get shorter (light wise) and it gets dark very early, many people experience symptoms of depression ranging from light to severe.  While you can’t change the natural pattern of night and day, there are several effective ways of dealing with it, and some won’t cost you any money!

 GET HAPPY: Light boxes 

Light boxes are a traditionally recommended way to brighten your mood during the darker times of the year. Many specialists say that by subjecting yourself to intense light for a few minutes each day, you’ll feel better and more refreshed.

GET HAPPY: Holiday Lights, Fun, Decorative lights 

In the winter I love to decorate the INSIDE of my house with holiday light strings. Icicle lights are my favorite, because they look great in front of mirrors, in door frames, or around windows.

Decorative party lights are also awesome ways to create a fun mood.  Footballs, Peppers, Palm Trees, to name a few; are some cool decorative party lights to help make life feel more festive and lively.

GET HAPPY: Write about it 

Journaling your thoughts can be a very powerful way to feel better about your situation. With a pretty journal it’s even more fun.

Start a BLOG.  What a better way to vent but to BLOG.  Some sites are set up so you can just have an online diary and only you can view it and others can be set (such as on MY SPACE) where you can let others see what you BLOG and perhaps give you advice on how they’d handle what life brings your way.  Cheap therapy, I say!

GET HAPPY: Alter your work hours 

If you are lucky enough to have a flexible job, try switching your work hours so you are home during the day and work in the evening when it’s dark. This will allow you to enjoy the daylight hours during the winter and still accomplish everything that needs to get done.

 GET HAPPY: Candles 

Candles are a romantic way to add a little light while still enjoying the darkness. You can create great centerpieces or mantle displays with various sized candles in the same color. Your candles need not be expensive or ornate – inexpensive white or vanilla candles create a stunning effect.

GET HAPPY: Flowers! 

Flowers are a great way to spruce up your home and add great fragrance to your house. Who can be sad when there are flowers? Find cheap bouquets at the grocers, or have a delightful vase delivered.

GET HAPPY: Exercise 

Exercise is good for you because it fills you with endorphins and gives you a natural high. Here are my favorite exercise DVDs.

 GET HAPPY: Fun and fresh artwork 

Buy yourself a new piece of art.  You can find all kind of finds either online very inexpensive – even posters can brighten up a room or area. Or maybe take up the hobby of painting.  PAINT YOUR WAY OUT CLASSES are still available at HAVEN HYPNOSIS.

 GET HAPPY: Gorgeous gift boxes 

Pretty and fun-colored boxes of all shapes and sizes are out there and very inexpensive. What a fun and cheery gift for yourself or someone else. Use it to stash your pick-me-up chocolate treats.  Most craft stores carry them too.  You could also get the brown paper mache’ boxes in different sizes and decoupage your own pretty gift box.  Perhaps if you chose not to store chocolates or other treasures in it, you could decorate your own little box and write out affirmations on little pieces of paper, place them in your box for when you need a little pick me up.

GET HAPPY: Make it movie night 

Movies can be found at your local library or you can borrow and exchange with friends.  Cuddle up with a sweetie and spend the evening in watching movies.  No Honey in your life right now? What about friends, co-workers, church folks, etc. Invite them over, make some popcorn and tell them all to bring a snack or something to drink along with their favorite movie.  What a great way to spend a Wintry Day or Night. If renting movies are not in your budget or the library does not have a good selection, then see what’s on the T.V.  Stay in bed and surf the TUBE.

Here are a few good ones to keep you laughing.  These are my favs.  I’m sure you have ones that are your old stand bys as well.

1- Wedding Crashers

2- Sideways

3- Napoleon Dynamite

4- The Longest Yard

5- Monster-in-Law

6- Failure to Launch

7- Fun with Dick and Jane

8- In Her Shoes

9- Ferris Buehler’s Day Off

10- Meet the Fockers

11- Saving Silverman

12-Most anything with Adam Sandler (Billy Madison, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds)

 Are you sad? 

Many people get sad or depressed in the winter. Sometimes it has to do with the stress of the holidays, and sometimes it’s because of the short days and dark nights that make you feel like going to bed at 6pm ! (Not that that’s always a bad thing…)

 Do you suffer from S.A.D?

___No, I don’t mind the darkness.

___I wish it wasn’t so dark but it doesn’t bother me much.

___I get a little depressed during the winter.

___I find myself pretty depressed in the winter.

___As soon as the time changes I just want to hole up and sleep all winter!

If you found yourself fitting in to the category of the last two, then you may be fighting something other than the WINTER BLAHS.  If your symptoms seem to last for more than a month and nothing, not these types or anything else you’ve tried seems to raise you from your funk, you may want to seek solace from your family physician or someone qualified to diagnose what your symptoms add up to.

God bless you all!  Keep smiling and know that winter is just as gorgeous as any of the warmer months.  Find your miracle in today and take solace in that.  The world is a wonder!  Embrace and enjoy!

Peace, love, light and grace be upon you…

Until next time-



               Divine Dragonfly

             Summer  2013

As promised, here it is.  The Divine Dragonfly.  I had intentions on putting this out monthly.  That was before my mother’s cancer diagnosis and her subsequently moving in with my family.  The Divine Dragonfly will return to the web just four times a year, but I believe you will find it a wealth of information.

As always, I am open to writing ideas.  If there is a topic you want to see in the Fall 2013 newsletter, let me know.  You can always email me directly at:

Haven Hypnosis is taking new clients for hypnotherapy sessions.  I will also be posting my Emotional Detox Education classes soon via webinar format.  STAY TUNED!


Norkee 🙂

Health and Wellness

Do you know what you are REALLY eating?

Food poisonings are on the rise.  On a regular basis, the media reports food recalls.  From tomatoes to melons, our food supply has become toxic.  But why are these recalls on the rise?  Some say the toxicity is due to the increased use of hormones and insecticides.  Another likely cause is the increase of a bacteria called campylobacter.  In the last five years, the cases of campylobacter poisoning grew by more than 14%.

Campylobacter is most often associated with unpasteurized dairy products, poultry and produce.  Animals can also be infected.  People can become infected via their pets if the pet has been affected and they come in contact with their pet’s stool.  Something to think about when preparing for this year’s growing and harvesting season, not to mention, when you let the pooch out to do his/her ‘business’.

How can you avoid campylobacter? Some simple practices for handling food can prevent the spread of this infection.

  • Cook all poultry products thoroughly. Make sure that the meat is cooked throughout (no longer pink) and any juices run clear. All poultry should be cooked to reach a minimum internal temperature of 165°F.
  • If you are served undercooked poultry in a restaurant, send it back for further cooking.
  • Wash hands with soap before preparing food
  • Wash hands with soap after handling raw foods of animal origin and before touching anything else.
  • Prevent cross-contamination in the kitchen by using separate cutting boards for foods of animal origin and other foods and by thoroughly cleaning all cutting boards, countertops, and utensils with soap and hot water after preparing raw food of animal origin.
  • Do not drink unpasteurized milk or untreated surface water.
  • Make sure that persons with diarrhea, especially children, wash their hands carefully and frequently with soap to reduce the risk of spreading the infection.
  • Wash hands with soap after contact with pet feces.

To learn more about campylobacter and how to prevent this infection from making your summer miserable, visit the CDC website at:

Other sources for this article include:

Complimentary Therapies and Alternative Medicine

Are you stressed?  Have you just not been able to quite get over the Winter Blues?  Why not try a relaxing aromatherapy massage?

The Journal of Alternative and Complimentary Medicine released a study in March 2013 that showed the positive affects aromatherapy massage had on elderly patients who were experiencing long-term hospitalization.  The study was conducted on nursing home patients twice a week for a month.  The study finds that aroma massage appears to prove effective in reducing the psychological stress among elderly patients.

In a separate study released in January 2013, it was revealed that inhaling essential oil scents reduced the effects of mental fatigue and exhaustion.  The study was performed three times a week/five days per week.  The study used peppermint, basil and helichysum in personal inhalers.

To relieve physical stress, essential oils to try are:

  • Clary-sage
  • Cypress
  • Eucalyptus
  • Thyme
  • Peppermint
  • Rosemary

To reduce stress that results from the environment around you (including loud noises and bright lights) try:

  • Basil
  • Cedarwood
  • Chamomile
  • Cypress
  • Coriander
  • Geranium

Oils that help relieve the physical stress that is a result of eating too much junk food or breathing polluted air are:

  • Clary-sage
  • Grapefruit
  • Geranium
  • Lavender
  • Lemon
  • Rosemary

For mental stress, essential oils that are effective are:

  • Basil
  • Bergamot
  • Cardamon
  • Grapefruit
  • Geranium
  • Sandalwood

To learn more about the study, visit this website:–4924/

Another source used for this article and to learn more about the Uses of Aromatherapy:



What Is ‘Clean’ Eating?

You’ve heard the phrase, you are what you eat.  Well, it’s true.  If you put garbage into your body, you cannot expect it to perform properly.  Any more than you could expect your car to run efficiently if you fill it with bad fuel.  In order to gain and maintain proper health, one must eat clean.  So, what is ‘clean eating’?  While the term seems to have no true definition, clean eating is essentially eating whole and unprocessed foods as they come from the Earth; in their unrefined and most nutrient-rich state.

Getting and staying healthy is just one benefit to clean eating.  Clean eating has great benefits as an anti-inflammatory, leading many who live with auto-immune illnesses such as lupus, MS and RA to follow this eating regime.  And it is just that.  Clean eating is not a diet, rather a lifestyle choice.  A choice that can lead to your body running more efficiently and you feeling better overall.  If you stop eating ‘CRAP’ (Cheese, Refined Sugars, Artificial Products and Processed Foods) and eat better choices in ‘FOOD’ (Fruits and Vegetables, Organic, Omega-3 and Drink Water and Green Tea), you can achieve the goal of clean eating and better health.

Clean eating may seem overwhelming.  No worries.  If you start small and eliminate origin of ‘CRAP’ at a time and add a real ‘FOOD’ into your regime, you will, in no time, be eating clean.

To learn more about Clean Eating, visit this websites which were sources for this article:

For ideas and recipes on Clean Eating:


Little Known Health Hazards of Citronella

It’s summer time!  Many of us will spend an abundance of time outside in the coming months.  Perhaps that time will be spent with family, friends or even pets.  One of the little known hazards of citronella is its enticing scent on our pets’ noses.  Citronella candles are a popular accompaniment to summer picnics and BBQs.  We can safely burn the candles to ward off unwanted insect ‘guests’ at our backyard parties.  However, citronella can make our pets very ill, if ingested.  Should your family pet accidentally ingest a citronella candle or citronella oil, you can call the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Hotline 24-hours a day at: 1-888-426-4435.  Practice safe summer fun—for yourself and your pet.


How Much Sleep Do We Need?

The amount of sleep one needs varies from person to person.  The average person sleeps more than 7.5 hours at a time.  While Thomas Edison believed sleep was a waste of time, one can certainly understand, if he slept less than the average person, it did not hurt his cognitive abilities.  Going without sleep to levels of depravaity, can hinder ones cognitive abilities to the point of hallucination.  Sleep deprivation can adversely affect the prefrontal cortex of the brain; the area responsible for memory, logic and problem solving.  Without sleep, we literally lack the ability to think.

How many hours a night do you sleep?  Check out the link below and try the ‘Sleep Profiler’ to assess your sleep habits.

For more information about sleep and why it’s important, check out the source link below.


Staying Hydrated During Summer Exercise

We all love to get outdoors.  Especially if you live in the northern states—once the weather is nice, I am outside.  Whether you are working in the yard running a 5K, it is important to stay safely hydrated.  Naturally, our bodies are warmer than the environment we are in.  When that temperature begins to change on either side, our muscles regulate heat by sweating to cool the body.  Sweating equates to lose of fluid, which is why it is essential to drink plenty of fluids; particularly water.  Profuse sweating is a sign of a potentially dangerous medical situation.  Heat exhaustion and heat stroke are serious side effects that can occur if you overdo it during your time of exertion in the summer sun.  When this occurs, you become dehydrated and you become dehydrated because your body cannot cool itself quick enough and stores the heat inside.

It is important to recognize the signs of heat exhaustion.  The signs include:  fatigue, nausea, dizziness, weakness and cramps.  However, more serious signs of inability to sweat, loss of consciousness and breathing difficulties can be signs of heat stroke.  If you experience any of these symptoms, you are urged to seek medical attention.

For tips on staying safe in the summer sun, visit this link used as a source for this article:


Meditation:   This technique can be practiced either indoors or outdoors, in standing or sitting positions. The process may take 15 minutes or longer, depending upon the need of the individual.*

1. Imagine that the Sun moves from a distance to you and then encases you; feel the warmth and brightness for one minute.

2. Imagine that the Sun shrinks to the size of a golf ball inside your belly area behind your navel; it still has warmth and brightness; let it stay there for 1 to 3 minutes.

3. Visualize a giant shining lotus (any color) that travels from a distance to you; you sit on the lotus; feel the light in the bright ball inside your belly coming out from all directions and connecting with the petals of the lotus; internally focus on the scene for 1 to 3 minutes.

4. Visually shrink the lotus to the size of a golf ball and mentally put it inside your belly behind the navel area.

5. Move the lotus in a circle from the center of the belly to the outside (counterclockwise seven or nine times and then clockwise seven or nine times); when moving the lotus counterclockwise, the circles become bigger each time; when moving the lotus clockwise, the circles become smaller each time until the lotus returns to the original location.

6. Focus on the lotus inside your belly for 1 to 3 minutes and then finish.

*Note that this practice may not be suitable for people with psychotic symptoms.

Source for this meditation:

Prayer:  This prayer is one that was used when I was confirmed.  It is a prayer I use quite regularly when I need peace in my heart and mind.

Prayer for Peace

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.   Amen.

–St. Francis of Assisi (1181-1226)

Focus Word:   PEACE

Fun ! :  “Laughter is the best revenge for anger.”  

Relaxation Station

Relaxation Exercise

This is something that you can do for yourself by following these steps:

  • Sit quietly and comfortably.
  • Close your eyes.
  • Start by relaxing the muscles of your feet and work up your body relaxing muscles.
  • Focus your attention on your breathing.
  • Breathe in deeply and then let your breath out. Count your breaths, and say the number of the breath as you let it out (this gives you something to do with your mind, helping you to avoid distraction).

Do this for ten or twenty minutes.


ScriptureIsaiah 26:3–4
You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock

Positive Quote:  “Life’s problems wouldn’t be called “hurdles” if there wasn’t a way to get over them.”  – Author Unknown

Business of the Month

Phitness 4:13

Rte. 250 N

Avery, Ohio

Product of the Month

Ezekiel Bread—Wheat-Free Bread


         Divine Dragonfly

            (C) Haven Hypnosis- Nora Knople, CHt.

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Why NOT me?

How many times have you found yourself asking– WHY ME?  Do we ever get an answer we want to hear?  Tell me how that has worked for you so far.

Instead of WHY ME– try this out for size…

Why NOT me?

You may be surprised and reap great rewards from the way God will use you and your life.

Why NOT me brings about purpose.  WHY ME brings about shame.

Next time you find yourself in a perilous situation, ask– Why Not Me?

Then meditate and pray on what you learn about yourself based on how you responded to the situation and others involved.  You may surprise yourself.



Breastfeeding In Public

There is a local mother, where I live, who feels she is being picked on because she breastfed her child at a local pool and was asked to show modesty.  Now, I was not there.  I am taking this from our local newspaper website:
I am all for breastfeeding. I did not do it but my daughters do. They cover. Perhaps, since it was so hot, those children should have been at the indoor pool, as it was over 100 that day.  We can all offer any given number of opinions, which represent what we feel and think about it but know this;  no one is saying she has to put a beach towel or blanket over the child’s head, but they sell light weight covers and who doesn’t own a receiving blanket. I have no problem with her breastfeeding and for me, if she was next to me at the pool and undressed to latch her child on, I would not be offended, nor would I react as such. But that is me. If you know it does bother some, it is ok to educate those who are ignorant on the ways of breastfeeding but people who are offended by the lack of cover are not necessarily ignorant on the ways of breastfeeding nor offended by the breastfeeding in and of itself, but by the manner in which the act is being conducted.

From what I have read, even from this persons own postings, in my opinion this is really not about breastfeeding her child. She was out to make a social statement via her child and to gain some attention that she seems to be starved for.  She speaks of her own family blog and even took a picture of her breastfeeding in the moment she was being reprimanded.  I would post the link she previously posted for her blog on here, but she has apparently blocked it.

This is not the first time she has been asked to display modesty at the pool.  Today, it was just as hot, and here, she is sitting outside, with a cover, giving an interview to a local TV station.  Attention seeker? That does appear what it is to me.  Of course, this person may say that was never the intention, however, it occurred before, and was handled accordingly and so this young mother knew the concessions being made to make both she and the other patrons confortable. No one is saying she cannot breastfeed at the pool, that is not what I took away from it at all.  What was trying to be relayed was the hope that those concessions would have been enough to please the masses, but alas, it was not.

By concessions, I mean, made by the Parks Dept. but they were not enough for the mom in question. She refused to cover.  Others are making comments on the boards at the newspaper website that regardless of how hot it is, a mother’s milk is still apx. 98.5 degrees while others want to provide an argument that even a receiving blanket of light cover causes the child to get hot.  Really?  Not if you use the blanket to drape your breast and the child’s lips and your nipple and not the entire child.  It can be done, if you care enough to do so.  It certainly takes far less energy to do that than to continue to ruffle feathers, upset patrons who you know may be upset and to cause a scene.  Concessions were made from the previous experience with her that made it possible for her to feed in public yet display modesty.  She is not willing to work with the concessions in place to enable her rights and her child’s rights to mesh with the rights of the other pool patrons.

I could not breastfeed my children due to a cyst in many of my ducts, but coached other mothers who I am birth coach to in my other job as a certified birth coach.  I worked closely with the WIC Dept. and their breastfeeding experts and support this mothers right to feed in public and support this child’s right to be fed, but I also support the freedom of those who wish for the mother to display modesty.

Freedom is not always free. We understand that on so many levels. In this instant it means giving a little to get a little. It means your idea of total freedom may not be the definition of my definition of total freedom and alas, I, or you, may have to have their liberties compromised or adjusted in order to allow for concessions to give another person freedoms all their own.

Firelands Are Chapter of IMDHA

The Firelands Area Chapter of IMDHA (International Medical and Dental Hypnosis Association) welcomes you to Norwalk’s newest forum on health, wellness and holistic therapies.

We meet on the first Tuesday of each month from 7pm-9pm. Meetings are held at HAVEN HYPNOSIS CENTER 180 WHITTLESEY AVE. NORWALK, OHIO.

For questions or more information you can call 419-202-9705 or email

These meetings are open to the public so come and bring a friend. Live life and learn!