I have this tendency to believe that whatever happens with me has happened to someone somewhere before. And if that person has successfully lived it out, well, so can I!It all boils down, whether I have the willpower and discipline to do so. More than once, now, I have been forced into a situation which looks like it has no solutions, no escape, no way out! And then somehow I have found myself, out of this situation. It surprises and amazes me, how easily I am ready to give up and yet somehow seem to stick it out! I amaze myself at my capacity to prove myself wrong.
All images I has harboured about myself as a child, and believed in the woman I was going to grow up to be are so different from the person I am today. Now I can blame it on circumstances, or accept it as a consequence of my decisions.
Whichever way you look at it, I am chiseled out now, have lost all the soft corners. I am as cynical as the world I refused to want to be a part of. I am every bit the hypocrite I hate being. And yet at the end of it all I am me, and I am proud to be me. This is all I can be. Is just to be me.
I do own Jesus as my Savior but being me is not without sin. We are all sinners. It is a hypocricy to think otherwise.
Each day I wake and thank God and I am no longer amazed at my abilities because I know through God I can do anything. In God I am unstopable. Following my own path and trying to stay true to my beliefs vs what I am told I should believe or still believe ideas that were forced on me as a child or in my first marriage fight with me so much its haunting.
I hold firm to who I am though. In God and through God all things are possible. I know this. I have been force fed lies and half truths and fought to get where I am today and am all the better for it. Thank you God for that!
I am me. True to form. Crabby. Whiny. Frustrated. Loving. Caring. Hard working. ME !
Expect nothing more and you’ll get nothing less. God doesn’t, why should you?