Life is full of disappointment and grief. I have been dealing with both for a few days now. Disappointment and grief are as much a part of life as celebration and joy. Some times in life we may become disappointed in circumstances life hands you. Some times in life we may become disappointed in others. They may view your choices no longer in line with their ideology. You may mourn the loss of what you thought was a kinship, or you may say: Cie La Vie!
People like to push their opinions and demands upon others, which is often the cause for such disagreement and grief. You can choose to own those opinions and demands and in some scenarios, doing so feels like an obligation. Maybe it’s life or death. Still, in many ways, we face choices in both.
Some might say I push opinions with The Wednesday Word, my blog, etc.. However it’s not a push or demand because you choose to read it. You choose to follow and like this page or read the blogs.
Life is also full of choices. People may assume because you are an empathetic, kind, compassionate being that you are obligated to be that all the time, in every situation and to all people. While we may strive to be so, we may fall short or we may speak out intentionally against a person behaving unjustly. As the saying goes, you are either assertive or a bitch.
Everyone isn’t going to like you. Everyone is not going to agree or cater to your whim. They’re not obligated to. I practice being kind to others, daily. I also call people out and hold them accountable. It is part of my job, after all. It is easy to be kind to others. It is not an obligation. It is not an easy choice to put up boundaries and be firm or question people’s motives. What you are obligated to do is look out for yourself. That is not a selfish act. It’s a necessary act. Sometimes you may feel obligated to act on behalf of others. This is also a choice. It is my default to be kind to anyone I come across and even nicer to the people I love, care about and cherish. It almost feels like I AM obliged to be kind, but I am not. There are those people out there who feel entitled to step over boundaries. If they didn’t know said boundaries existed and you square up those boundaries and they “clap back” – good for them for standing for what they believe, even if they are wrong.
People can agree to disagree. When those boundaries are crossed and disagreements become insults, take back your control of your boundaries. Distance from the strife is often necessary in order to allow the seeds you plant to blossom. You need to weed in order to sow good seeds. You don’t need to be kind to people who don’t appreciate it, however, you can choose to. You can also choose to be kind to those you think deserve it or need it. If they behave in an undeserving manner, you can choose to continue to nourish the weed or nourish the seed. You’re only obligated to nourish one. If you’re both beautiful beings who just cannot blossom together, bow to the time when you could and you did, take a big breath in and when you exhale, watch your seeds soar and easily take up root in another spot. Rest and be well until the wind calls you to adjust your boundaries again.
As I face yet another health strife, I know the importance of resting and setting boundaries. I’m not prepared to grow anything except healthy cells. This means weeding, meditating, making unpopular choices and speaking truthfully. Things I have always done, why change now? Assertive or bitch? I accept both, graciously.
Seeds I’ve planted in my 47 years are a plentiful bounty. Of that I am most confident. You’re also not obligated to always adapt to the energy around you. You choose to set the tone and influence the energy. Negative energy can suffocate, like the weeds, if you let it. Others may attempt to guilt you when your light reflects the image of their own guilt and shame. Stay true. You know you. Be unapologetically you. Perfectly imperfect. Keep shining your light. It will light your path and shine a spotlight on where you need to plant, help nourish what you sow and where you need to grow. Your light can linger into the darkest places and warm some cold hearts. It will show you an entire kaleidoscope of one’s true colors. If people choose to dance in your light, great! If they try to burn you out, flip the switch, turn on the strobe and disco ball and dance to your own drum — and remember to whom you are obligated. Reap the goodness of what you sow.